ISellOranges.com

So as I came home last night, roughly around 2am, I get pulled over by a cop. He was sitting on the side of the road pointing his radar gun onto the street. I see the cop, I look at my speedometer and I see that I am actually respecting the speed limit for once, I stick my hand out the window and throw the /m\ horns as I drive pass the police cruiser, in my defense, I was listening to Tool. I drove for another two blocks before I see the police cruiser get right up on my ass and turn his lights on. “Do you know why I stopped you?” me: I am gonna guess that you pulled me over because of both time of day and my direction of travel which could lead you to believe I just left the bar down the street. “Your behavior gives me probable cause to believe that you just left the bar and perhaps you have had one too many drinks” me: “No, my behavior, in light of your experience, gives you reasonable suspicion. They are entirely two different standards to justify either an investigatory stop or a Terry stop, officer.” “How much have you had to drink tonite?” me:”nothing, I am coming from the gym. I think it unfair that you automatically assumed that I’ve just left the bar; furthermore in the interest of your health, it is rather cold outside and your attire seems to be ill prepared for this temperature, why dont we just skip the formalities and you just administer the breathalizer test instead.” “Driver license and registration please” me: “sure, no problem” as I proceed to open my glove compartment the officer proceeds to start checking out the back of my car and then my glove compartment. As I reached for my registration he gets a look at the stack of accumulated tickets I still have sitting in there. “Have a problem with speeding?” me:”NOOO!! what are you kidding me? I love speeding. You guys are the ones with the problem with my speeding.” The officer checks out my stuff and then comes back and asks “do you mind if I search your vehicle?” me:”not at all. You may search anything you want except the glove compartment” “Do you have anything in your car I should be aware of?” me:”not at all, this is a consentual search officer, I am simply exercising my rights to set the parameters for said search” Long story short. I had to sit there until his back up arrived and then they looked through my trunk and back seat and then they let me go. It was stupid. No ticket though.

So I went to the local laundromat to get my stinking laundry done. I was drying my clothes and this chick comes, she puts her clothes down, breaks out her macbook and gets on the interweb, and then tries to load her laundry into one of the washer machines. She proceeds to look for her wallet and then she goes “oh no…shit I left my wallet at home..no, no , no.” She stands there and then makes a phone call to one of her friends, I am assuming it was her boyfriend because how she was talking to him. She tells him that she has no time to go home and how she really needed to get at least two loads of laundry done or else she’ll be screwed. I looked at her, while she is still on the phone. I reached for my wallet and pulled out my last $5 bill and handed it to her. She looks at me as if I were from another planet, as she clearly debates as to whether or not she should take the money, and then says “no, thanks. I cant take that” I am like “no, really, take the money. It looks like you really need to get your laundry done, that should be enough for at least two loads.” she then looks at me and tells me “if I take the money you are not getting anything in return, not even my phone number” I looked at her and said “you know what would be really nice….if you were to just take the money and stop looking at me as if I am expecting a blowjob out this act of kindness” Then she looks at me as if she were offended. I put the money down on top of her laundry bag and walked away….as I walk away I looked back and said “dont bother thanking me by the way, I have just lost any desire to speak to you. In fact the thought of it makes me want to vomit. Happy valentine’s day. Cheers.”
I woke up today and I thanked the fact that I was able to roll out of bed and walk on my own. There was no other reason for me to be happy, and I thought to myself “my day can only get better from this point on” in fact I think like that everyday. I dont get it!! are people happy to be simply alive, with no handicaps? How miserable is your life? Nevermind that regardless of how miserable your life is there will always someone whose problems will make yours seem like a fucking walk in the park. Shit like this makes me wonder if my “do random acts of kindness for anyone, even strangers because it might make you feel better” attitude is even worth keeping around anymore. Oh yeah, I could’ve used those fucking $5 to buy my goddamn lunch; however I sit at home hungry, just waiting for 2pm to roll around so that I can go to class. How is your day?

Happy valentine’s day people. Try not to eat any of the tainted chocolate. Move along now. Cheers.

Two things I never, ever, ever, ever, forever evah wanna hear while at the gym: Joy Division and 311!! it does nothing for me, in fact, it is right down freaking annoying!! it makes me want to break my ipod.

I just chipped one of my molars!!! I will probably have to have a crown put in. Yay more money to spend. Nothing to see, move along, thanks.

Since I’ve been thinking about breaking out my enlarger and doing some darkroom shit at home I’ve been wondering if I should go all out and try to do some selenium and sepia toning. It will cost me money, money I dont have, but I think it will be therapeutic. Only problem I foresee is having my dog around, selenium is very toxic.

Oh yeah, I lost my phone. If you’d like me to add you to my contact list, please leave me your phone number/email here….or not, I cant imagine how it could possibly make a difference. I guess you could always send me a text message to my phone directly eh? 571 7233374 and remember to reference your name cuz otherwise I wont know and stuff.
I hope you people are having a better day or something.

Two weeks ago I found a wallet and an Iphone in one of the benches at my gym. The wallet contained roughly 500 euros and around $240 the Iphone was brand, spanking new. I picked them up and tried to look for the owner but I couldnt find him in the locker rooms. I dont know why but I didnt feel any desire to keep the stuff, under normal circumstances, I probably would just have kept both the money and the Iphone (only because it was 8 gigs and I could use it as an ipod, I dont care about the phone really) and mail the wallet and credit cards to the owner. Since I couldnt find the owner I just dialed the last number he had called and I waited for that person to pick up so that I could tell him/her that she should contact his/her friend and have him call me if he wanted to get his stuff back. Some guy speaking what sounded like some middle eastern language answered the phone, apparently I was calling afghanistan or something, and of course I couldnt figure out what the hell he was saying. So I proceed to call the last local number he had called, as the other phone starts to ring I see a guy reaching for his phone. He answers the phone and I am like “hey, look to your right, I found this phone, do you know where the owner might be hiding?” He looks at me and starts yelling “abdullah someone found your phone”. I gave the guy his Iphone and his wallet. He was surprised that all the money was still in it. I walked away as he was trying to thank me for the 100th time.
Last week, I found a purse at work. Aside from this woman’s entire life the purse also contained a shit load of credit cards, epi pens, vicodin, oxycodone, lunesta, roughly $250 and a few more prescription meds that I didnt really recognize. I called her and she came back to retrieve her stuff roughly two hours later because she had gone home and had not realized she had lost her purse. She tried to give me some money but I wouldnt take it. I did however make a joke (not really, I was really hoping she would give them to me) about how if she were really trying to thank me I’d take a few lunestas instead of money….she didnt laugh, I didnt care.
Yesterday I found a blackberry. Once again, under normal circumstances, I would’ve kept the phone just to play around with it because of its palm capabilities, but I didnt. I phoned his office and left a message for him to call me if he wanted his shit back. He phoned me, I gave him his phone, he thanked me, I asked for a diet coke as a reward, he laughed, I walked away.
There is something really wrong with me!!! I should’ve kept all this stuff.

-17 still 20 more to go. Thank you, drive thru.

I am on a fucking roll!!! bad: I almost run out of gas last night worse: while at the gast station somehow I lost my wallet worst: said wallet contained roughly a little less than $1100 that I was supposed to use for rent and to buy a book.
Dear weather of 2008 please die in a fiery hell!! if I wanted a mild weather, I’d move to fucking Florida.
I suppose I should go and get my goddamn laundry done or I could just go and get more clothes that I can use at the gym….uhhmm wait I cant really afford to do that either. I hate doing laundry. Fuck you laundromat.

“I want you to get into groups and answer the following questions… you will need a sheet of paper”.
me: I have a laptop, I type, I dont write…
“well then I guess you’ll just have to get a piece of paper and a pen from someone else in class”
me: okay.

After ten minutes of fighting with my group members to get some answers from them and have someone with somewhat good handwriting to scribble them down we finally get to spew our answers back to the class and the teacher.

me: where would you like us to drop off the answers to the questions
“I dont want them… the answers are for you and for your benefit”
me: are you serious?
“am I serious?”
me: nevermind.

Yeaaaaah!!!!