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@dizkodan You are absolutely right!! considering the phone call I got earlier today. I was late for class so I am "observing"

@dizkodan Fuck fuck fuckity fuck I done left my phone at home blahh

Wow writting this outline for this research proposal is fun. Am I to be deduce from this that perhaps I oughta stay in the social sciences

@punquin How come you feel funny? and exausted at the same time? what kinda dream was this?

My hands smell like photo chemistry yummyness!!!!

I stopped at 7-11, to purchase some diet coke and a pack of smokes, and as I walk out of my car I see this homeless guy asking for money so that he can buy some food. I purchased my stuff and then I felt bad for the homeless guy outside, although I am broke myself I figure I could spare $3, so I asked the clerk to give me their 2 for $3 dollars 1/4 lb hot dogs. I walked outside and called the homeless guy over “hey man, here you go” and he says “uhmm what are those hot dogs? nawww thanks….but I’ll take a dollar if you have one to spare”. I laughed “I thought you said you were hungry… I guess you aint hungry enough”. I seriously had to stopped myself from throwing the hot dogs at this guy’s face and also from punching him in the balls. I got in my car and drove away. Seriously WTF?!!!! Every time I’ve tried to help someone this year so far it has backfired and blown up in my face. I must’ve pissed off someone real bad or something.

This is a repost of something I posted a while back but ended up making it a private entry…. since I wont have “my dog” for the next few weeks, and since I have not seen him since last saturday I guess it is fitting.

I came home tonight, just like I do any other day, and although I was aware that my sister took biggie (dog I look after during the week) for the night, and possibly the weekend, it suddenly hit me… I came home to an empty house. It never ceases to amaze just how much the presence of a little critter, be it a gerbil, a guinea pig, a cat, a lizard, or a dog can impact anyone’s mood. The absence of that little guy wagging his tail, excited that I came home, excited that I will take him out for a walk, excited that I will play around with him, excited that I had treats for him…suddenly left me with a nagging feeling of loneliness. Nevermind that I was glad to be home after a long day of school and work, forget the fact that I had a bunch of books at my disposal, nevermind that I was finally able to take a long shower, nevermind that I was able to sit down for a minute and finally rest… it just didn’t feel right.
How long do you go on on pretending? how long before it hits you that the most mundane, insignificant, pedestrian, prosaic conversations, text messages, phone calls, emails, etc that you have with those few people that you’ve chosen to care for have become a bigger part of your life than you’d really like to admit? I suppose that when you suddenly lose that you start to give it a new meaning…those same things ceased to be banal and take on a brand new life-giving force from what otherwise would be your daily purgatory.
How long before you start to pray for a water landing as you come back from a business trip, or a vacation? How long before you hope for a horrible crash as you drive down the freeway? how long before you realize that the solo activities you enjoyed are no longer enjoyable? how long before that bottle of narcotics, sitting on your desk, starts to look appealing because the promise of a, long overdue and much needed, good night sleep is more appealing than the prospect of getting in a cold, empty bed? How long before you reach for the bottle of vodka and just drink yourself to sleep?
This place is a fucking mess I ought to clean it.

So this past monday I went to alexandria hospital and I spent about 3 hours there. I am not sure what it is about hospitals and I but everytime I go to a hospital I see people that have recently died, a “fresh” dead body if you will. I must’ve been in there for no more than 10 seconds before seeing my first dead body. I spent about six hours at the hospital on tuesday and this time I didnt enter the hospital through the emergency exit, I was trying to avoid having to run into yet another dead body, no dice!!! I saw a dead body like within ten minutes of my stay there on tuesday. Wednesday I was so fucking sick I didnt even get outta bed. I spent the entire day on the couch only to leave the house to get some Pho, I wanted something hot and with lots of calories so that I can somehow be able to fight this sickness a bit better. I was barely able to eat the meat and the broth, I couldnt stomach eating the noodles, I did however managed to eat all the bean sprouts and a shit load of jalapenos. I think I slept most of the day yesterday, never really aware of what was going on around me, never really unaware that for some reason I had decided to keep the tv on. The one thing that bothered me the most yesterday was the fact that I was cold, now if you know me you’d know that I am NEVER cold. I was wearing thermal underwear, a pair of jeans, a wicking shirt, a sweater, and my jacket, and I was covering myself with a wool throw; yet I was fucking cold still. I was cold yet I was sweating but it wasnt like normal sweat it was cold sweat. I kept having to get up and turn on the electric kettle so that i can make myself some green tea with lime. I must’ve had like six of those yesterday. At one point I forgot how many pills I had taken the entire day so I went and had some more, then a few hours later I got up and had some more because I once again had forgotten that I had already taken some earlier….When all was said and done, I think I had nearly 3 times the dosage that the doctor said I was allowed to have. I mustered up enough energy to leave the couch and go to my bed around midnight and I started to watch the prisoner of azkabahn, it was the one movie already in my dvd player, and I didnt even watch the movie. I think I fell asleep within ten minutes into the movie. Sleeping was great and not so great, but let me tell you why! it was great to get some real sleep; however it wasnt very nice to wake up every 3 hours and realize that I was cold, I had a fever, and I had only slept for a few hours, it made me wish I had some sorta crazy sleep agent that I could use!! you would’ve thought that with the amount of shit i accidently took I would’ve either be half dead and/or had a heart attack either way I would’ve slept better. I am going to the hospital again today, hopefully this time I dont have to stay there for long. I might even grow some cojones and say hi to the nurse on the second floor, unit 24, maybe not!!!! I need to shower, I need to clean my house, I need to do laundry, I need I need I need uhmm yeeeeaaaaaah I need to not be sick

I spent nearly 3 1/2 hours doing laundry last night. It is partially my fault since I have a bad habit of just throwing all my dirty, sweaty, gym clothes in a plastic bag and then “carefully”, and by carefully I mean just throwing it on the passenger seat of my car, and then waiting until I am out of gym clothes to do laundry. I was folding my clothes and this middle-age woman asked “where did you learn how to fold your clothes? Wanna do mine while you are at it?” I looked up, smiled, and responded “my grandmother taught me” The lady said “aaahh She did good!” “yes she did” was my reply. She then asked a bunch of little questions, just small talk, and said “next time you see your grandmother make sure you thanked her for “everything” she has taught you” I said “uhmm I dont know when I’ll get to see my grandmother next” she replied “where is your grandmother?” I said “I am gonna guess that she is in heaven chilling with either JC or with his mother….she was a big fan of the Virgin Mary”. I believe it is at this point that the conversation got a little weird for her, specially when I told her that I didnt believe in God, but I managed to get through just fine without having to cut the conversation short.
I started thinking about when was the last time I really thought about my grandmother, more than just as a passing thought “yeah, granmother was nice, she was so funny” kinda thing, and I remember that not too long ago I lost my wallet, the wallet that had been her last gift to me, and I think I got a bit sad. I didnt care about the money lost, even though it was more than a grand, I didnt care about the credit cards, etc, I just cared about the wallet for its sentimental value. This made reflect on the fact that I was acting stupid, but let me tell you why, because there are so many other non-material things that she gave me, that if I were to think just a bit deeper I could cherish! I was suddenly, and unexpectedly, in a much better mood after this “reflection”. I still wish, even if for some sort of monkey-like obsession to be able to touch and “connect” with “something/someone”, I had the wallet; but instead of fixating on that thought I now much rather think that the next time I see my grandmother in my dreams I get the chance to say “Thanks for everything grandma!”.
Uhhmmm yeah, a lil sappy eh? Well, Fuck you too 🙂 How are things in your end of the woods? Cheers.

It is always nice to know that you can count on Linux ninjas to fix your computer problems. Today that task was accomplish by JB, yes he is the bestest Linux ninja!!!, for that he gets the “you save the day” award. This reminded me that a few years ago Jeremy came over to my house and helped me set up a dual boot system on an old machine of mine. I am grateful for all the help I’ve gotten from all the linux ninjas I know.